Mama's Family Transcript for 19. "Rashomama"
Transcribed by Brad Ramsay
Ellen, Eunice, and Naomi standing in the hospital
Eunice
Oh Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, Lord, oh please let my mama be all right,
please don't let her die!
Ellen
Oh Eunice, quit dramatizing, Mama is not gonna die.
Eunice
The next thing you'll be doing is blaming me for her accident.
Ellen
Well, it certainly wasn't my fault
Eunice
Well, it wasn't mine.
Naomi
Well, I hope no one thinks that it was my fault.
They all start to argue, as Vinton walks up.
Vint
I got here as soon as I....
Gurney with a body covered goes by, everyone screams
Vint
That wasn't mama was it?
Eunice
Too tall! Too tall!
Vint
I got here as quick as I could. What happened to mama?
Eunice, Ellen, and Naomi in unison
SHE DID IT!
Vint
Well, suppose just one of you tells me what happened.
Ellen, Eunice, and Naomi start talking at same time.
Vint
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, just one of you, Skeeter.
Naomi
Okay, well we were all in the kitchen with Mama helping her make
gooseberry jam. It was steamy as a jungle in there baby and the heat
was getting to all of us.
Fades to dream sequence. Ellen, Naomi, and Mama in the kitchen.
Mama
I swear, why can't understand why they don't hold these church bazaars
in the dead of winter when people can stand to be in their kitchens.
(Enter an exasperated Eunice)
Eunice
Lord! It's a scorcher out there.
Mama
Eunice! Where in blue blazes have you been?
Eunice
Just fine Mama, thank you and how are you? Ellen.
Ellen
Eunice.
Naomi
Eunice, you look like you could use a nice, cool glass of lemonade.
Eunice
I could use a beer.
Mama
At this time of day.
Eunice
Now, don't you start on me old lady. I have been stuck out on route
five all morning with a busted radiator hose, and the guy from the
garage wanted to tow me in, but I said no uh ah, you better just tape
up that sucker, because if I am stuck out there with those mason jars
and I am late, my mama would have a hissy fit.
Ellen
I hope that you didn't park your clunker behind my seville, I have to
be outta here in 30 minutes.
Eunice
First good news I have had all day.
Mama
Would you two put a lid on it. Lord, I can't take you and the
gooseberries at the same time.
Naomi
Are you ready for the sugar now, Ms. Harper?
Mama
Oh sugar, Lord, I nearly forgot, thank you sweet heart. Well, listen,
you better put in two and a half cups, because these berries don't seem
to have much of a kick.
Naomi
All right.
Mama
Ellen, are you sure you got these from old man Peavey's road side stand?
Ellen
I drove all the way out to route five and back this morning, even
though they are fifteen cents a pint cheaper at the supermarket.
Eunice
Route five? Did you say route five?
Ellen
So what?
Eunice
That means you had to pass me twice. And you never even stopped?
Ellen
I never even saw you.
Eunice
Mama, did you hear that? I was out there frying on the highway, and
she drove right passed me in that air-conditioned seville of hers.
(Mama looking at jars, not paying attention) MAMA!!
Mama
Well, these jars are full of spots.
Eunice
I don't believe you, she left me for dead on the highway, and all you
care about is some piddley, little spots.
Mama
Piddlely? These jars got more spots than a windshield in Alabama.
Eunice
Lord! What if I had been hurt? What if I had been lying there
bleeding. And you didn't even stop to check?
Ellen
I didn't even see you, and take my word, I would know that dress
anywhere.
Eunice (lunging at Ellen's neck)
I'm gonna kill you.
Naomi
Ladies, ladies, please please, ladies, look these spots come right off
if you rub it with a dish towel, now why don't we all sit down and
clean these jars.
Mama
Why Naomi, you are one sharp cookie. What in the world would I do
without you? Ellen, Eunice get over here. (Ellen and Eunice sit at
table as Naomi hands out dish towels.)
Naomi
Eunice. (Eunice hits Ellen with dish towel as she passes it, and
Eunice hits here back under the table.) Well, I don't know when I have
had so much fun. I have never done anything like this before.
Eunice
It's about the only thing you haven't done.
Naomi
No, I mean I am having an awfully good time.
Ellen
I am positively giddy.
Naomi
No, what I mean is it is just nice to sit around the kichen like a
family, see I never had any sisters and my mama wasn't very domestic,
so it is a real pleasure for me to sit here in the kitchen with y'all
just making jam and cleaning jars.
Ellen and Eunice
Oh, stuff it Naomi.
Mama
Oh Naomi, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You are
like the daughter I never had. (Ellen and Eunice have shocked looks on
their faces). Why isn't it that my own girls can't see the beauty in
sharing a warm, family moment.
Eunice
Well, I'm the one who brought the dirty jars, you wouldn't have this
warm family moment if it wasn't for me.(Eunice spit shines the jar,
misses and spits on Ellen's blouse, which she proceeds to wipe off with
the dish towel.)
Mama
I'd have given anything if any of my own girls would have wanted to
help in the kitchen.
Ellen
Well, Mama that is simply not true, you'd never let us near your
kitchen. Everything I know about cooking I learned from chef boy-r-dee.
Mama
I didn't let, you girls, in my kitchen because every time I did you'd
either break something or make a mess.
Naomi
Oh oh I hate to interrupt, this warm family moment, but I think that
the berries are nearly done.
Mama
Oh I believe you are right angel, they're starting to bust.
Naomi
Oh, oh I'm afraid we are too late, they are starting to stick.
Mama
Oh oh my lord, you're right sweetie, we are going to have to transfer
these to another pot, pronto. Uh uh, baby get me that stew pot up
there, will ya.
Ellen and Eunice get up to get the pot.
Ellen
She meant me Eunice.
Eunice
She said baby.
Ellen
She never called you baby.
Eunice
I am baby!
Naomi (grabbing for the pot)
Oh for heaven's sakes ladies, think of mama's jam.
Ellen and Eunice continue to argue and tug at the pot.
Oh butt out!
Mama
Oh well for heaven's sake would someone just give me that pot. (Ellen
and Eunice tug and slam Mama in the head, she falls to ground) Well,
what the..
Naomi
And that's exactly the way it happened baby I swear.
Vint
Well, skeeter you said that just like you were on trial.
Eunice
She ought to be for perjury.
Ellen
You don't believe her, do you?
Eunice
He believes she's a natural blond.
Naomi
Well, I swear on my sacred bond of matrimony, that it is the truth.
Ellen
I will tell you what happened, Vint, now its true that we were in the
kitchen, all helping mama make the jam and you know how forgetful the
poor dear has become, well it was so hot out there and the poor dear
was really feeling the heat.
Fade to dream sequence. Ellen, Mama, and Naomi in kitchen.
Enter Eunice
Lord, it's a scorcher out there.
Mama
Eunice, where in blue blazes have you been?
Eunice
For your information Mama, I was almost splattered clear over that
highway. (Hits Naomi out of a chair) Naomi move it. Ellen, get me a
beer!
Ellen
Of course, Eunice.
Mama
An accident? Are the jars all right?
Eunice
What the h*** is a matter with you, you been sniffing them
gooseberries. I just told you I spent three hours dodging semi's across
three lanes of public highway.
Naomi
Isn't that dangerous?
Eunice:
Come here, look at me. ARE YOU IN THERE! I was trying to tell you all
that I almost had a fender bender with the angel of death on route five!
Ellen
What time was this, Eunice?
Eunice
The clock on my dash said 11:03 it's funny how you remember things like
that.
Ellen
That is funny, I was driving out that way, myself this morning on my
way to Mr. Peavey's and I didn't see you.
Eunice
Well, I don't know maybe it was 8:03 maybe it was 12:03. How do I know
I was in shock.
Ellen
Well, even so with all that commotion, you'd think I'd see you on my
way back.
Eunice
Well, in that case since you're always right Ellen maybe it didn't
happen after all. Maybe I just made the whole thing up.
Mama
Good lord, what is this green stuff?
Ellen
That's the gooseberry jam mama.
Mama
Well, it can't be Ellen, jam tastes good.
Ellen
Well, so will that once we put in the sugar.
Eunice
Boy, if that lady gets any worse, we're gonna have to call out the
whoopee squad.
Ellen
Naomi, did you remember to buy the sugar.
Naomi
Yeah!! (Grabs sugar) Here Eunice, pass that over to Ellen.
Eunice
You bird brain you bought powdered sugar.
Naomi
Was I supposed to get the liquid?
Eunice
Tweedle dumb and Tweedle dumber.
Ellen
Now how are we gonna make jam without sugar.
Mama
I know let's just forget the whole thing and make fudge.
Naomi
Yeah!!
Ellen
No, mama you need sugar for that too.
Eunice
Forget it! Forget it, I spent all night polishing up them jars and I
nearly became a stripe out on the highway and you say forget it.
Mama
Well Eunice, these jars aren't clean, you couldn't get a gopher to set
up housekeeping in here.
Eunice
Those are just water spots from my dishwasher
Mama
Water bugs is more like it.
Ellen
I found some granulated sugar, Mama.
Mama
Ellen! Ellen! Weren't you looking for some sugar for something.
Ellen
For the jam, mama.
Mama
Well, she just found some. Hallelujah, the day's been saved.
Ellen
Well, now, let's just take these dish cloths and clean up those jars.
Eunice
There is nothing wrong with those jars.
Naomi
Well, how does this thing work? I've never dried a dry jar before.
Eunice
I think you've stepped off one curb too many.
Mama
Hey lookie here everybody, lookie, if you use a dish towels these spots
rub right off....where do they go?
Ellen
Spot heaven mama.
Mama
Ellen, don't you have a tea dance to go to?
Ellen
It's a tea dance all right, but I am not going, what is a tea dance
compared to jam day with my family.
Eunice
Oh stuff it, Ellen.
Ellen
No really Eunice, I think sometimes are lives get so hectic that we
forget about the joy of sharing simple family moments in the warmth of
mama's kitchen.
Eunice
I know I'm sweating bullets, right now.
Mama
Ellen, what a sweet thought, no wonder I love you best. You were my
first born, and my favorite. Should have quit while I was ahead.
(Eunice with a shocked look on her face.)
Naomi
Listen. I'll answer the door.
Eunice
Those are the berries you nitwit.
Ellen
Oh, the berries are starting to bust.
Mama
Oh goodie, this is the moment we've been waiting for. Do I get to stir
now?
Ellen
Mama, I am afraid it's too late, it's starting to stick.
Mama
Oh, I think you're right we are going to have to transfer these to
another pot, pronto. Ellen baby, get me that stew pot over there.
Eunice
I'll get it mama, I sure wouldn't want your favorite to break a nail.
Ellen and Eunice start to fight over the pot.
Ellen
Now, Eunice give that to me, please.
Naomi
Oh are you playing a game. I wanna join in. Is this like keep away.
(Naomi, grabs for the pot.)
Ellen
Now ladies remember mama's jam.
Eunice
Oh butt out!
Ellen (lets go of pot)
okay.
Eunice
You just give me that pot.
Naomi
No no, I want it.
Mama
For crying out loud will someone just give me that pot. (Eunice and
Naomi continue to fight and hit Mama in the head) Well, What the...?
Back at hospital
Ellen
I did everything I could.
Eunice
You lie like a rug.
Ellen
You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the butt.
Eunice
Oh, you (Eunice lunges at Ellen and Vint breaks them up).
Vint
Stop it! Stop it! Both of you, your bickering has already caused one
accident today.
Eunice
Well, there is going to be bloodshed if I don't get to tell what really
happened. Now Vint, you know how hot it get's in mama's kitchen. Well,
I knew that tempers was running high because I could hear them fighting
as I drove up in the driveway. They was making gooseberry jam and I
was supposed to bring the jars.....
Fade to dream sequence
Mama, Ellen and Naomi in kitchen.
Mama
Lord, I don't know why they don't hold these church bazaars in the dead
of winter when people can stand to be in their kitchens. (Enter Eunice)
Eunice
Morning, everybody. It'such a warm, wonderful, sunny, hap-hap-happy
day.
Mama and Eunice hug
Mama
Baby. Look everybody my darling Eunice is here. Oh you sweet thing.
Eunice
Ellen!
Ellen
Eunice.
Eunice
Hey there, Naomi.
Naomi
Hey there Eunice, how's tricks.
Eunice
Well, that nail polish looks so nice.
Mama
Eunice, where have you been, we have just been worried sick.
Eunice
Oh mama, I didn't want to upset you by telling you this darling, but I
was almost killed on the highway, and that is why I am late. I hope
you can forgive me.
Mama
Lord, an accident? Are you all right, Eunice?
Eunice
Of course I am sweet thing, and more importantly so are the jars.
Naomi
What was it a rear ender?
Eunice
No, but you know it was the funniest thing, I was driving right along
route five, just as pretty as you please, minding my own business, when
all of a sudden out of the clear, blue sky this long, black seville
come up behind me and bumped me right out of my lane and right into the
path of a gasoline truck. (Ellen smiling)
Mama
Well, good Lord!
Eunice
Luckily mama I had my wits about me and I was able to pull over to the
side to safety.
Ellen
Take care Eunice. Next, time you might not be so lucky.
Mama
Well, now that my darling Eunice is here, I guess we can proceed. What
do we do now sweetie.
Eunice
Well, I think I should taste it. (Eunice tastes jam and puckers her
lips) I think it needs some sugar.
Mama
Naomi, did you remember to buy the sugar.
Naomi
Oh, I never buy sugar. (Dumps a bunch of sugar packets out of her
purse.)
Eunice
Why Naomi, you unpredictable little scamp, what is all that?
Naomi
Well, this is my sugar packets collection, I pick it up at motels, each
and every one has a different name on it.
Ellen (reading a packet)
Arthur's hideaway and launderette, you tumble, we dry.
Naomi
Yeah.
Mama
Well, that is disgusting. I cannot take jam to a church bazaar made
with X-rated sugar.
Eunice
Now mama, I thought ahead just in case, and I brought some sugar, that
way you won't have to break up your cute little collection, Naomi.
Naomi
Plenty more where these came from, honey.
Mama
Oh sweetie, bless your heart, you brought some sugar. The day is saved.
Eunice
Now, mama, give credit where credit is due. Everyone here has done
their bit.
Mama
In a hen's hinney. Naomi ain't done nothing, but sit here and polish
her nails, and these berries that Ellen bought just ain't up to snuff.
Ellen
Those are Mr. Peavey's best.
Mama
Are you blind, these things are more shriveled up than old man Peavey
himself. Why can't you two morons take lesson from Eunice here. Look
how her jars sparkle like diamonds.
Ellen
Let me see (dumps berries into box of jars) Oops, how clumsy, I've
ruined the jars.
Mama
Well, this is just one set back too many.
Eunice
Oh Mama, don't worry, just one rub a dub dub with the dish cloths and
they'll all be as sparkley as new. Here you go everyone take one and
rub.
Naomi
Oh group rub, sounds like fun.
Eunice
Isn't this terrific, I just love it. You know I don't think there is
any place in this whole wide world that I would rather be than to be
here right now just holding my mama and being in the warmth of her
kitchen just rubbing jars with my beloved family.
Ellen
Oh stuff it Eunice.
Mama
Oh Eunice, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You are
my third born, and my favorite. Third time was a charm.
Ellen
I am gonna be sick.
Naomi
Oh lord, it is so hot in here I can practically hear those beads of
sweat just popping out all over me.
Mama
It's the berries, you tramp. Oh lookie, they are starting to bust,
this is the moment we've been waiting for.
Eunice: Oh mama, its starting to stick.
Mama
Oh good eye Eunice, we better transfer these to another pot pronto,
baby get me that stew pot there.
Ellen
Oh it's always Eunice baby, Eunice darling, when does Ellen ever get to
come first with mama. (Ellen grabs the pot)
Eunice
Ellen this is no time for another one of your little tantrums. (Grabs
the pot)
Ellen
No it is time for Ellen.
Naomi
Cat fight! Cat fight! Let me in.
Eunice
Think of mama's jam.
Ellen
I don't give a d*** about mama's jam. Now butt out!
Eunice
All right.
Ellen and Naomi continue to fight over pot.
Mama
For crying out loud, somebody give me that pot. (Ellen and Naomi hit
mama in head with pot) Well, what the....(Mama passes out).
Back at hospital
Eunice
And all because of her love for me mama's in a coma.
Doctor wheels mama out and they all shout.
Doctor
Mrs. Harper is ready to go home now.
Eunice
Oh doctor, tell me, how is she?
Doctor
She is still a little groggy, all's she needs is to get home and get a
little rest
Eunice
Oh doctor thank you so much, we'll take her right home.
Vint
Now wait a second, wait a second. There is something we got to get
cleared up. Now mama, who is it that hit you with the pot?
Mama
Well, I have never seen any of you people before in my life. (Wheels
through them with wheelchair)
Back in kichen
Vint
Mmmmm, I believe that's the best gooseberry jam, you ladies have ever
made.
Mama
Next time I make jam with you bruisers I am gonna wear a football
helmet. Now, who is going to help me with these dishes?
Vint
I'll help you mama.
Mama
Thanks baby, now will you hand me that pot over there?
Vint
Sure, here catch.
Mama
No, no, don't throw my... (thump) Well, what the.....
FADE OUT
